This week was an emotional roller coaster for a number of reasons so I’m just going to start at the beginning. I began the week feeling very anxious about the race. Sunday night I opened the race website and read more thoroughly about the course. The words “challenging” and “hills” stuck out to me and for some reason I couldn’t remember reading them there before. Obviously nerves were getting to me. I had trouble sleeping just wondering if I really had what it takes to run a “challenging” course for 13.1 miles. At three weeks out, I knew it was too soon to really have race day jitters. So I figured I was really nervous about my 120-minute long run coming up at the end of the week. Because all of my training hinged on that long run. How that run went would tell me if I really had “it” in me. I drove around my neighborhood plotting different routes until I found one that totaled 13.5 miles. It had so many hills and I was super nervous about running it, but also knew that I HAD to run a challenging course in order to gain the confidence I needed. When I was done, I would compare the hill graph that my fitbit generated to the hill graph on the race course website to see how similar or different they were. I’ve known that the race course wouldn’t be quite as bad as the hills I have around where I live, but my nerves had me doubting not only my capabilities, but also my prior knowledge of the course itself.

The plan was to run the 120 minutes on Saturday morning. Friday I had a homeschool convention featuring a speaker I was really looking forward to seeing in person. Then Saturday would be the big run, followed by my son’s double birthday party: Saturday night with friends, and then Sunday afternoon with family. It was sure to be a busy weekend! But as I watched the weather, Saturday was looking more and more dismal as it crept closer. I’m talking, torrential rain AND heavy wind predicted for Saturday morning. I’ve already run in the rain and snow and wind. I know I can do it if I have to. But I had no desire to run my big one in those kind of conditions if I could avoid it. So on Thursday I contacted the convention to see if I could use my Friday ticket for Saturday instead, figuring I could run Friday morning and then try to use the rest of the day to get as much ready for my son’s birthday as possible. Depending on what I got done, I could try to sneak away Saturday morning for at least part of the convention before entertaining guests that afternoon/evening.

There’s an irony in life that we know we can’t really control everything, but we still try to make the best, most efficient plans as possible. And every once in a while we get a good, hard reminder that we are not in control. On Thursday, while I was in the midst of messaging convention leaders about my ticket, trying to bake a cake (and discovering I was out of baking cocoa), and waiting for my bread customers to arrive for their orders, I got news that my dad’s brother had been in a horrific car accident just a few miles from my house. By Thursday evening, it became clear to us that he probably wouldn’t make it. Sleep was elusive Thursday night. I woke up Friday morning emotionally charged which proved at least decent fuel for a 2-hour run. (More on that later.) My husband took Friday off from work and after running, showering, and setting the kids up for the day, we went to the hospital to say “goodbye” and be with extended family. He died Friday afternoon. We are still stunned. To lose someone so suddenly and unexpected is a shock to the system. This particular uncle (and aunt) attended my family’s church and he played in our worship band. He and my father had a band together when I was growing up and my memories from that time are strong. The sadness cast a shadow over my son’s birthday festivities but I’m grateful we were able to be with friends and family and have a bit of a distraction in the following days. I never made it to the convention.

I said it was an emotional roller coaster of a week, right? While I started the week extremely anxious about running, I ended the week feeling strong in that area. My 2-hour run went well timing wise (although I did get downpoured on twice). When I compared the elevation graphs from my running route to the race course, there was really no comparison. It was clear that although they do call their course “challenging” and with “rolling hills”, their hills are nothing compared to what I run around here. The fact that I was able to run for 2 hours and get the mileage I wanted AND do it with incredible hills really gave me the confidence I needed. And although I’m now feeling good about the upcoming race, there is still a shadow that came with the end of this week: a lingering sadness that will be here for a while. I am grateful, though, that we don’t mourn without hope. Our faith, my uncle’s faith, and our family’s faith in Jesus Christ assures us that we will see him again, in Heaven, with our Lord, for all eternity. This life on earth is so very fragile and it is only a fraction of what is to come. The last thing Uncle Tom said to my husband and I when we saw him at church on Easter Sunday was, “He is risen!”

The race is in two weeks and the plan from here on out is to just stay fresh, fit, and focused. And avoid injury!

I know I typically share photos at the end of these posts but I’ve been having technical issues in this area lately. I’m “back” on social media now (though still trying to limit my time there) so you can see photos from my son’s birthday (he had a dinosaur cake!) and more on instagram. Come follow me @raising_little_seekers on insta–I’d love to see you there!